Lizzie McGuire: Descent Into Madness
by bob007
Summary: This is an idea for a different type of Lizzie McGuire Movie...Pretend there was never a Lizzie McGuire movie b4 this...Lizzie goes into flashbacks about what drove her over the edge to a shrink...
1. Tell It to My Heart

Lizzy picked up her notebook. Inside was every one of her innermost thoughts. She picked out a large pink felt pen from the clumped group in a blue Viagra jar on the shrink's desk. Dr. Nora held up large cat-like glasses and stared into them before cleaning them with a piece of her shirt sleeve. Lizzy stole a disgusted glance at the old bag with the spinach in her teeth and ripped stocking.

"Now, Elizabeth," she said, condescendingly. "Do you under stand why you're here?"

"I freaked out. I know." she rolled her eyes.

"Now, in your journal I would like for you to write down all of your problems, and we will quite possibly come closer to understanding you."

Lizzy muttered something under her breath and pulled her hair from her eye lids. She hated this _Dr._ Nora. Who says things like _we will quite possibly_. And she knew herself just fine. She understood herself just fine. What made Bradley Nora think she needed help understanding herself?

As the words flowed onto the page, she went into a sort of daydream coma. What _did_ happen that made her do what she did?

As she thought back, she couldn't think back far enough to understand the root of this problem. Maybe it was last week, when...no, it was even earlier than that. The Fourth of July block party? Nope, dig deeper. The very last day of the eighth grade. Of course it was. That was the day Lizzy saw the apocalypse coming in her life, in the form of early adulthood.


	2. Don't Worry, Be Happy

Lizzie's last day of middle school was meant to be light-hearted and easy-going. But then again, nothing in her life ever was. Her two best friends, Gordo and Miranda were with her in first period when the madness truly began.

The trio was huddled close as possible in large desks in Mr. Gruder's Algebra class, talking about what they would do during the summer. Larry was sitting alone, reading a book on bombs. Ethan Craft was being wooed by Kate, who was wearing less and less each and every day.

Things were no different, minus Algebra. Until Miss Bell came on the intercom. _All eighth graders that have passed please report to the auditorium at this time, all eighth graders that have passed please report to the auditorium at this time. Thank You._

Groans were heard throughout the room. Mr. Gruder, who had dozed off, woke up just after Kate had pulled down her skirt. Of course, Gordo thought, they will never get caught. Even Lizzie and Miranda never seemed to notice the pair.

As each of them picked up their belongings, Lizzie found a piece of paper on the floor in between the desks. She half-opened it, and saw three words: I like you. It was in Gordo's handwriting. She knew she could not read the rest, for Miranda was peering over her shoulders, so she slipped it in her pocket.

By the time she had put it away, Miranda and Gordo had made their way out the door.

"Lizzie," she said. "Gordo and me are waiting on you. C'mon."

"So..." Gordo looked nervous. "What do you think we're getting called up to the auditorium for?"

"Maybe someone threw tampons on the principal's car." said Miranda.

Gordo looked skeptical. "Not again!"

They both laughed, and suddenly noticed Lizzie's uncharacteristically solemn behavior.

Miranda spoke up. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure that's not the problem, Lizzie."

She looked up from the floor and smiled halfway. "Huh, oh, yeah, sure."

The auditorium was jam-packed by this time, and (opposite from the movie theater) the back seats were taken up, and only the first row was free They were the last three people in the auditorium.

"Wow," Miranda sneered. "I feel like a total choke! Ya' know everyone's staring straight at us."

By Miranda sat Lizzie, who was in the middle and stared blankly at the front. Miranda and Gordo gave each other perplexed looks for about five minutes, until an intimidatingly tall black man in all camouflage came up on stage with a pointer.

The once loud auditorium suddenly ceased _all_ noise when he huskily hollered: "QUIET EVERYONE NOW!" Miranda later claimed to have even seen Ethan Craft hiding under a seat.

"Kids, my name is Donald Petoy, and I am here to tell you about your future. I am a dean at The University of Boris Stansell. Here is the bottom line: If you do not go to college, YOU WILL DIE!"

The entire audience gasped at the way he emphasized those last three words.

"The latest statistics put out by the National College Statistic Makers states that if you are at the age of-wait how old are most of you?"

Most people said fourteen. One boy said twenty-three, and the entire class laughed until they realized that it was Jr. Prevatt and that he _wasn't_ joking.

"Well, anyway," he paused. "If you are the age of fourteen and you do not know what you want to do with your future by now, that there is a 99.9 percent chance that you will one day have to sell your body for PROSTITUTION!"

He leaned over his short podium as he said this and the entire room once again gasped. Amanda Widgeon Ran out of the room crying.

"That's right, children. So if you have any knowledge left, you will listen up." the whole room nodded worshipingly. "There is _still_ hope. In my new book about preparing for college, entitled '_But I Only Sold it Because I Still Have Another Kidney_', I explain how to pick the right college, why Boris Stansell is the college for you, and how you can order my college preparation kit. It's available up front from my associates, Boyd and Ritchie for a one-time-only price of 55.73! You're saving almost 27 cents if you buy it here! Thanks kids, and remember, your future is my fortune! Good luck!"

The entire auditorium began mauling each other to the front to buy a copy. Amanda Widgeon, who came back with red eyes began hitting Terri Hackart in the nose with her sandal for skipping her in line.

Gordo sat up. "What a crock, huh?" he looked to his left and right. Miranda called from the end of the line.

"Gordo, hurry up and save your place!"

Lizzie, who was still not saying much of anything, had even more to worry about now: her academic future.


End file.
